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29 September 2010 @ 12:23 am
Are you guys sick of Pike yet?  
If not I have another bookfail for you.

Thirst No. 1: The Last Vampire, Black Blood, Red Dice

If you recall from the "The Secret of Kaka" debacle a few posts back, one the members of journalfen's unfunny_fandom community, atdrake (thanks, dude!) discovered and screencapped this gem:

okay, if you're done laughing, we can continue.

Unfortunately (for us, fortunately for the book-loving world) the above as well as all the other Christopher Pike reviews written by all three Pike-Puppets have now been removed except for the "Secret of Kaka" ones.

As I was reading through the rest of the reviews I stumbled onto this one written by yet another woman who questions Pike's racial expertise (Namely that she had a hard time believing that a person described as looking like the Norwegian looking supermodel on the cover could possibly be an Indian from 3000 BC):

By Karyn L "avid book reader"
This review is from: Thirst No. 1: The Last Vampire, Black Blood, Red Dice (Paperback)
I had to suspend disbelief a couple of times in reading this book. First was accepting a blond and blue eyed vampire whose place of origin is India. Second was the same character, described early on as 5000 years old, impossibly rich, massively intelligent, and super strong falling in love with your average American teenager. Even so, the book did keep me interested enough to finish. Being a lover of all things mythology, the author peaked my interest when he decided to include some eastern Indian mythology into the book. Altogether an enjoyable read, not the best I've read certainly but I don't regret purchasing it.

Christopher Pike's Imaginary Editor Michael Brite rushes to reply:

Initial post: Nov. 7, 2009 3:08 AM PST
Michael Brite says:
It says clearly in the book that Sita was an Aryan, a well known group who invaded India five thousand years ago. They were all blond and blue-eyed. The reason I call them well known is for two reasons. Hitler was obsessed with Aryan blood and considered the ideal German to be blond and blue-eyed. Also, it is an established fact the Aryans brought the Vedas to India, which later led to the creation of the Hindu religion. However, the Vedas themselves were not religious texts, but the cognitions of enlightened men and women.

DOOOOD! The Hitler Aryans and the India Aryans are NOT THE SAME PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!11oneoneone!!

I can't even... here's a wikipedia link. just... wow...

Also, not that I pretend to know anything about Indian history but a brief search of "Aryans invade India" shows me that this is only a theory at best.


So yeah, in conclusion, Christopher Pike, YOU SUCK.

also, plzz stop calling me "crazy chick" or i might have to start calling you "Stupid asshole"
i_hate_music: batgirli_hate_music on September 29th, 2010 07:40 am (UTC)
Big fucking LOL.

I also love the end of his own review. "It changed my life forever". Eh, yeah.
lied_ohne_worte: chesslied_ohne_worte on September 29th, 2010 09:27 am (UTC)
Good grief. He's so incredibly transparent, you have to pity the poor man. Lashing out like that at a reviewer whose review is actually positive, but contains criticism? Pathetic.

And the Aryan thing, I can't even say. The mere fact that he gives credence to Hitler's theories... I bet he would also say that modern-day Germans are in fact mostly blond and blue-eyed. People with his level of knowledge usually believe that.
themadpokerthemadpoker on September 29th, 2010 11:27 am (UTC)
...WHAT. I've been taking a religious class for two weeks and I can see the holes in that statement. And yeah, the Aryans he's talking about are not the same ones. -facepalm- So glad I never got into his writing as a kid, I'd probably be having a crisis of childhood love destryal if I had.
Grand High Supreme and Mighty Empress Connieconuly on September 29th, 2010 12:52 pm (UTC)
I wonder if that new review is up at unfunny_fandom yet.
psychedeliceyes on September 29th, 2010 04:45 pm (UTC)
LOLOL I'm so glad I never really liked Pike's books to begin with. You don't how devastated I would be if an author I admired was acting this way.
★Kristy★heartbreak_beat on September 29th, 2010 04:47 pm (UTC)
Good grief. I really need to start a "Don't read these authors because they're douchebags and idiots" list.

BTW, your original entry is featured on the blog "Dear Author": http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/2010/09/28/tuesday-midday-links-its-banned-book-week-october-new-releases/
I need more fandoms like CKR needs more sexylove_jackianto on October 7th, 2010 04:41 pm (UTC)
Same here. I get the feeling it will be a very long list.
Lu: 09vox_mortem on September 29th, 2010 07:09 pm (UTC)
Now I don't have to feel bad about hating The Last Vampire. What a joke.
(Deleted comment)
bs_08bs_08 on September 29th, 2010 08:44 pm (UTC)
That's just lame. We have proof that Michael Sparks claims to be Pike in at least two posts in two different threads in the past. We have proof that the Chris guy is involved with the fanclubs, we have proof that the other dude is the illustrator. What proof do they have that any of the people who came to support me (and i am very grateful for them) are me? From what i see, most of those accounts have been active for a long time and have many other reviews. did i create all those accounts just to design this one perfect moment where i could destroy pike's reputation? let's take it one step further, maybe i'm Michael Sparks and the other two or four dudes who came to fight as well.

all of this bullshit is distracting from the original point, the fact that pike did not do the research and wrote a very inaccurate book.

i wonder how much further this is going to go and what kind of conclusion they are looking for?
Grand High Supreme and Mighty Empress Connieconuly on September 29th, 2010 09:34 pm (UTC)
Besides which, unlike all the Pikes (not the newer ones, but the ones that popped up immediately), we all have different writing styles. Anybody would know you are not me, because we have a different view on how important it is to capitalize (me = very important, you = probably not so much :P), we have different word choices, and we structure our sentences differently.
bs_08bs_08 on September 29th, 2010 09:41 pm (UTC)
Oh you noticed that i TRY to capitalize and then sort of give up near the end huh? LOL

yeah i can't believe they are accusing me of sockpuppetry. they can't even say which one of you guys they think are my other accounts! i complained to wordpress.com regarding these people slandering me and mobilizing people to come over to my review and our site. (and i SPONSOR or community? how pray tell do i do that? i just had my virgin post freaking 3 days ago.)

but you know this is all just an elaborate ruse, i've been developing all of these amazon accounts and the corresponding livejournal and journalfen accounts for years, i have also been studying up on turkish culture just so that i could wait for pike to write a grossly inaccurate book so that i could utilize my sockpuppet army to ruin his weekend.

yes really.
(Deleted comment)
bs_08bs_08 on September 30th, 2010 01:00 am (UTC)
dood, you're obviously my sockpuppet just look at our names, i'm caligirl_08, i was born in 1979, you're tokyogirl79 (had to throw people off the scent of that pesky 08 so i used the numbers that come before and after it 7 and 9) together we shall conquer teh interwebz!
Direst Ryl: DTPryl on September 29th, 2010 10:04 pm (UTC)
Now I know why Pike doesn't have time to fully research the cultures he writes about. He's too busy fighting intarwebz warz.
(Deleted comment)
Direst Ryl: Evil Secretaryryl on September 30th, 2010 01:24 am (UTC)
Power of...Pissiness! Insult! Whining! Sock-Puppetry! Cowardice!

By your powers combined I am...CHRISTOPHER PIKE!
Allie: Voldemortcyranothe2nd on October 1st, 2010 05:54 am (UTC)
Gwenyveregwenyvere4 on September 30th, 2010 12:16 am (UTC)
You would think he would be ashamed of himself, both for writing woefully unresearched crap AND for his general asshattery on the internet. If he spent even a fraction of the time he's spent on all his reviews and harassing of you on RESEARCH, he might write a decent book.
Mattie: You Suckadriennearedore on September 30th, 2010 01:25 am (UTC)
I "love" how he uses the term "Hindu religion". It reminds me how my old catholic religion teacher used to call Islam "the Muslim religion," almost as though it weren't real.

What a tool.
Youjiyoujik33 on September 30th, 2010 07:24 am (UTC)
...um, I actually don't understand this one. I hear people say "the Christian religion" too. Seems a tad redundant, I suppose, but that's not such a crime.
#34: DK - Algebragear_34 on September 30th, 2010 01:57 am (UTC)
You're a hero for speaking up like this! Seriously, this guy is so past any semblance of talent, it's insulting to all aspiring writers out there that he can even *get* published.

(Also, does that cover picture have parts of Anna Paquin spliced into it?)
some blockheaded bracegirdle from hardbottle: misc - wildflowers in a glassnotemily on September 30th, 2010 08:43 pm (UTC)
I always thought the "Thirst" cover model looked like Avril Lavigne.
a penny in a diamond mine: TwiSnark: Hilarrible?everstar3 on September 30th, 2010 08:56 pm (UTC)
Why does Christopher Pike make things so complicated?
some blockheaded bracegirdle from hardbottle: hp - like having friendsnotemily on October 1st, 2010 03:17 am (UTC)
picture is unrelated
psychedeliceyes on October 1st, 2010 07:17 pm (UTC)
Re: picture is unrelated
*right click, save*
blesséd lunatic: valkyrieemerald_griffin on September 30th, 2010 04:18 am (UTC)
Huh. Wow. And here I thought Hitler's version of Aryans was pretty much totally made up. Guess I was wrong.

Oh, wait...

Not to mention, way to use a totally outdated term, as far as academics goes. Though I thought the current one for that the group that comprised that particular wave of migration into Europe and northern India was Indo-European?
blesséd lunaticemerald_griffin on September 30th, 2010 05:01 am (UTC)
And by "that particular wave of migration" I mean, a truly ENORMOUS group in a migration over a very, very long period of time. And the grouping is based on language groupings and achaeogenetics, so, lots of different groups and languages and cultures and average physiologies which in some time that was waaaay ancestral by the Bronze Age may have shared a common language and lived in the same sort of area.

Saying that this group had a homogeneous morphology is hilarious. I mean the parent group, the 'Proto-Indo-Europeans' probably lived in the Copper Age, and the wikipedia article on them feels the need to specify that yes, they had knowledge of The Wheel.

Also, I believe the earliest traces of the Indic branches of that language group date to around the 15th century BC.

Though, I also feel the need to say this: as a scientist, it's a HUGE pet peeve of mine when people say 'just a theory' or something similar when they're talking about something in the sciences. A scientific theory is totally different from a colloquial theory - in science, evolution is referred to as a theory, hell, GRAVITY is referred to as a theory, though no one ever suggests that the idea that if you throw something off of a roof it will fall to earth instead of hovering is mere speculation.

In science, you (should) always be testing to try and disprove your hypotheses, and by that, a hypothesis is not considered to be well constructed if it's impossible to come up with an experiment that would show it to be false if a certain result came up.

Also, I'm a bit wary of the second to last link you posted - if you look at where the quotes are coming from, and look at the footnotes, you'll see that there's a lot of 'quote this' and then make an unsupported statement that this quote was used in such-and-such a way, in order to prove such-and-such. I do wish they had quoted more writings where scholars (so-called or otherwise) had used those quotes in the ways the website says they did.

I mean, everyone's studying and writing in the context of their own experiences and opinions, so you have to be careful even when you're reading scientific papers from peer-reviewed journals, because the writing's always going to have some sort of a spin on it, seeing as it was written by humans who have feelings and political ideas and whatnot. Especially in things like archaeology and anthropology, you get taught to always, *always* consider someone's research and writings in the context of who they were and what they were trying to do - that is, why they were doing this research, besides for the scientific thrill.

Right, um, your friendly neighborhood scientist, signing out...
bs_08bs_08 on September 30th, 2010 09:39 am (UTC)

heh, you got me there -_-;; see this is what happens when people who have no clue what they're talking about do a 2 minute search on the internet, find the answers they *wanted* to see and make a post.

i did call one of my indian friends today to ask him what's up with the aryan thing and also even asked him how come some indians have green eyes and lighter features. on question 1 he was like... yeah definitely the originalpeople known as aryans are from the persian area not norway. on question 2 he was like those people probably got mixed with russians from the north and traders from the west and asians from the east. which is also supported by the fact that if you start from the southernmost point of india and work your way up skin color and ethnic features go from darkest to lightest. i also know from researching norway that those dudes sent representatives all the way to asia minor for trading purposes...

dammit i'm out of school. all this learning is hurting my head.
blesséd lunaticemerald_griffin on September 30th, 2010 12:24 pm (UTC)

Yeah, they definitely didn't originate in Norway. I think one of the current versions of the theory places them somewhere on the northern border of the Black Sea.

Not to mention that I'm pretty sure that things like people living waaay north like Scandinavia showed up after they settled in that northern area, not before, what with needing to be able to absorb as much sunlight as possible to avoid Vitamin D deficiencies and such in the darker northern latitudes.

Yeah. Pre-globalization, Scandinavian features only makes sense in Scandinavia...

Also, if you feel like looking it up, there's actually some really cool research that's been done, where they can date certain genetic mutations that people of different language groups have in common, and add another layer of support to various migration theories! I think they've found a mutation common to the Indo-Iranian speaking areas. (Indo-Iranian being a subgroup of the Indo-European language group.) And I think they've used mitochondrial DNA to map migrations across the Bearing Strait.
FayJaypandarus on September 30th, 2010 11:28 pm (UTC)
Well, the British hung around in India for a fair while, and can be held responsible for some of the lighter eye colour & complexions, I'd think?

And also, Alexander The Great's empire stretched into India - the Kalash Tribe of the Hindu Kush say that they are descended from those Greek invaders, and are appropriately pasty-looking.
lady_fellshot: hamster shredderlady_fellshot on September 30th, 2010 05:40 am (UTC)
O_o I can only assume that such a level of willful ignorance has to be a chore in these days of "Wikipedia to the rescue!" If he writes something in the historical setting of my area, I may have to go stomp on him. With great justice. And a spoon.
Allie: DumbleSTFUcyranothe2nd on October 1st, 2010 05:49 am (UTC)
Methinks I am seeing a trend...white Indians, Aryans, Arabs=Turks. Perhaps Pike is just a great big racist shitbag???
The Extra OddNarioddnari on October 1st, 2010 04:57 pm (UTC)
I'm commenting here ONLY to address the idea that blond/blue-eyed persons cannot be indigenous to the Asian subcontinent (they are, strangely enough), so please forgive the intrusion.

I am an Indian. And there HAVE been instances of blue-eyed and green-eyed people in my country, mostly from Jammu and Kashmir area. You can see them there till date. I've seen them myself. Call them Aryans or dingbats, but this gene did manifest itself somewhere in the subcontinent and no, not anytime recently.

Popular turn-of-the-20th-century historical theories did peg it to the coming of the Aryans which caused the blonde/blue-eyedness to remain my country's northern/northwestern areas and not percolate down to the Dravidian part of things. (Incidentally, such features can be seen in parts of Pakistan and Afghanistan, too.) Scrap the Aryan theory, okay, but then put forward another in its place to explain why blond (yes, bright yellow-haired) and blue-eyed persons are STILL being born in India.

I have not been able to go beyond brown/black in my features but my first cousin is a dark-blonde, green-eyed girl. And we have no 'firang' blood in our family.

SO um, please, leave off the disbelief and abuse this writer for other reasons.
bs_08bs_08 on October 1st, 2010 06:11 pm (UTC)
I didn't say that blond/blue-eyed persons cannot be indigenous to the asian subcotinent. in fact i KNOW that they are which can be see in my comment to another user in this thread:

i did call one of my indian friends today to ask him what's up with the aryan thing and also even asked him how come some indians have green eyes and lighter features.

you can read further into the comment and hear my friends theories about it as well as the theories in the reply to my comment but as an indian i am sure you have way more answers than any of us do since we can only research, ask our friends and speculate.

the only thing i was commenting on is "Aryan, a well known group who invaded India five thousand years ago. They were all blond and blue-eyed."

one, that they were ALL blond and blue-eyed and two that there was any "firang" INVASION in the first place.

for all we know the lighter features might have just been a simple genetic mutation and not a foreign element at all it could be a 100% indian trait. (like the theory that red hair is caused by a genetic mutation.)